


be brave and you're gonna be fine

by panlesters



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2010? i think?, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, University, i spend so much time stanning kath, it's time i stanned karen too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2019-12-13
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:14:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21782770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panlesters/pseuds/panlesters
Summary: the kid couldn't hack it, he's back and he's walking real slow.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Kudos: 33





	be brave and you're gonna be fine

**Author's Note:**

> i wanted to listen to the in the heights soundtrack and this was birthed   
> it's time karen got some recognition for being a Good Mum   
> enjoy! 
> 
> title from breathe from in the heights

Dan's felt like a failure a lot through his life. But it's never felt like this before. This is the first time he's gone away to do something he really had a potential in. He knows it's not that he's not smart enough, he's not that overly modest. He just. Can't. 

It was too much for him, too much to cope with. It was almost like any work was too much work. Getting to lectures was too much effort, reading cases and going through textbooks were like pulling teeth. Like worse than pulling teeth. 

How was he supposed to do well on a course he really couldn't stand. He was never going to be a lawyer. What the fuck was he thinking? 

He stares at the grade on his screen for a good ten minutes before his hands come up to press fingers into his eyes. How the fuck he's supposed to tell his parents, he has no idea. He just wanted to get one thing right, be the best he could be _one fucking time_ , and he couldn't even do that. 

He waits until Adrian has gone to bed before he brings it up with his family. He doesn't need to put that kid through this shit. There's silence in the room, just him and his parents. He's never been so scared of them. 

"So, uh." He begins. He swallows hard, he can do this. He can do this one fucking thing. "I got my exam grade back today." 

"And?" 

His father doesn't even look up from his laptop. He doesn't care right now. He's going to, though. 

"I. I failed." 

That gets his attention. The laptop snaps shut. His mum leans over to put a hand on his father's knee. 

He doesn't even remember the yelling. He let himself zone out the second his dad stood up; it was going to happen whether or not he paid attention, so he let it gloss over him as much as he could. The door slams. The car engine starts. 

Dan crumbles. 

Immediately, his mum is by his side, scooping him into her arms as best as she can with their ridiculous size difference. 

"I tried, mum," he breathes between sobs. "I just really hated it mum, I couldn't even force myself to do it, I couldn't-" 

"Shh," Dan's mum whispers. She wipes the tears from Dan's cheeks and presses a kiss to his hair. He feels a hand run down his back and suddenly he's a little boy again. He's just done something stupid and made his dad mad and his mum is picking up the pieces. 

"I didn't wanna disappoint you," he whispers. 

His mum shifts then, taking Dan by the shoulders and moving so he is looking into her eyes. 

"Daniel Howell," she says sternly, "You could _never_ disappoint me." 

Dan bites his lip in an attempt to stop it quivering, and a whimper escapes his lips. 

"Why don't we get you some tea and we can have a think through about this, ok?" 

* * *

They settle back down on the sofa an hour later, tea settling in them both. Karen puts a hand in Dan's hair and runs her fingers through it comfortingly. 

"What are your options then, sweetie?" 

"Well, I can take the exam again next year," Dan suggests. "Take a year out and come back to it for the exam." 

"Do you want to do that?" Karen asks. "Or do you want to drop out? It's okay, Dan, either way." 

"I..." he pauses for a second. He's not really sure what he wants. "I want to try again." 

Karen presses a kiss to Dan's hair in understanding. "What do you want to do with your year then?" she asks. "Move back here?" 

"Well, I was gonna move in with Phil next year," he says tentatively. 

"You can still do that," his mum tells him. "You'd better look into getting a job, though." 

"Yeah," Dan murmurs. He still feels that disappointment, heavy in his gut. 

"Hey," Karen whispers in the silence. "This is okay, yeah?" 

Dan leans his head on her shoulder in response. 

"It's better to go through this now than im ten years time when you're already in too deep to find a way out." 

Dan nods. He guesses she's right. 

* * *

He tells Phil that night. It's just as scary, really. Phil has really believed in him all this time. It's another person to disappoint.

But he tells Phil all in one go, and it's okay. He tells Phil they can still move in together, and Phil grins. 

"As long as we're together, that's all that matters, innit?" 

It really is all that matters, Dan supposes. 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! comments are appreciated, come scream at me @ panlesters on tumblr


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